love You (?) But Not To Leave Him (by Audhrie)
Lucky for being alive today. That’s the most suitable words to describe my day. It was so amazing for being in one class with someone whom I loved.
I’m a female named Jessica and usually I’m called Jess. I had boyfriend named Fred and he’s older for a year than me. I liked him because at that time he shot me in the middle of the basketball field after he had a match as he was a captain of basketball team in my senior high school and I was one of cheerleader members. He presented me a bucket of rose and a box of chocolate for shooting me. He said “Jess, I’ve been for so long waiting for this time to say that I love you.” Oh my Godness, I was melted by his words. And I directly said, “I don’t know how to say to you that I love you too.” That was on the 1st of March 2011 and it was my birthday too. So, I got the best gift for my birthday in my life.
I have been in year 12 of my school now and today is 1st of March 2013. So, you exactly know why I told you about the story. It was my 2nd anniversary today with Fred. But, I didn’t even love him anymore. God, He knows how I w as lying to myself and him. I was feeling bad and I really wondered to tell him about this situation because as the time was running, my love had changed its way, the fact was I love another else.
There was a boy in my class and his name’s Ken. He isn’t as cool as fred but he’s just the way he is. I liked him because he did care to me. I’m not exagerating in telling about him, it’s a fact. Fred hadn’t known yet about him, but he did not really care anymore about me because he’s now in a college. I meet him only on the weekend because he was too busy with his own business. I was feeling so lonely without him, so that’s why I didn’t really care anymore ‘bout him now. As I was busy now with my study and someone had filled my day to day life in my school, I didn’t really think that I was in relationship with someone. It’s me and only myself. I heard my phone ringing kriiiiiiiiiiiing… Oh no, this was Fred.
“Jess, I’m on the way to your home, are you there now?” He asked.
“I’m in my grandparent’s house. I can’t go, I have something to do.” I was finding a reason for not going with him, actually I was at home.
“Are you sure? Okey, I’ll meet you another time. See you, honey. Love ya..”
I just closed my phone and said nothing to him. I was in confussion. Who did I love? Fred or Ken? Oh Goodness! I felt like my head wanted to be broken. A side of my head was thingking about Fred, but the other side was thingking about Ken. Ken invited me to study together in the school on Sunday and I said yes. He picked me up with his motorcycle and brought me to the school. There was Chloe, Kevin and Jenny, my other friends. Ken has invited them to study together with us. I didn’t hope to much that it was only both of us studied together. Ken didn’t know if I liked him, he just new that we were close each other because he knew that I was in relationship with his senior.
A month later, I had broken up with Fred. I did not know what I did was a bad decision. I’ll tell you why this was bad.
I was being more closer to Ken. He made me feel more comfort so far. But, I was still thinking about another else, Fred. He was still in my mind, bothered my day and made me suffer, besides thingking of Ken who had shown his feeling to me. Ken invited me to a chineese restaurant near by a big tower in the center of the town. He picked me up with his car and brought me there exactly at 8 p.m. My phone was ringing and you know? It was from Fred. I hesitated to pick his call because Ken was beside me, but I admitted that I missed him so much. I closed my phone and put it into my small bag. I felt guilty being so bad to him and Ken indirectly. I loved Fred, but I loved Ken more.
We arrived and entered the restaurant, ate, chit-chatted, and went home. Ken was so silent, maybe he saw my face was full of uncomfortness in front of him. He dropped me exactly in front of my house’s gate and smiled to me and said, “See you tomorrow, Jess and have a nice dream.” It was at 9.30 p.m. I entered my room and layed down on my bed, I was thinking so hard about who did I love the most, how could I was in two different love at the same time.
In my room, my phone was ringing and again it was Fred. I picked it up..
“Hi, what are you doing there, Jessy?” He asked me.
“I’m laying down on my bed. What do you call for? It’s too late.” It was at 11.30 p.m.
“I miss you, Jess. Can we meet this weekend? In usual café.” He invited me to meet him.
“Okey, I’ll be there at 4 p.m. miss you too.”
I dirrectly closed my phone and slept. 2 days later I met him, he wore a white t-shirt and a jeans, while I was using my dress. Casual.
“Hey.” He called me first.
“Hi. What we gonna do, Fred? You said you miss me.” I replied.
“Yes, I miss you. I just wanna see, what’s going on to you without me.”
Oh my God, I actually wanted to say that I was in misery without him. I loved him though.. “I’m fine, Fred. How about you?”
“Me, I.. I just.. I just miss you, I swear.”
“Okey, so what’s next?”
“I want you to follow me to a place.”
I was curious, where he was going. “Okey.”
Oh no, he brought me to the place which was full of my wonderful moments. A place where he first said that he loved me. It was my school, in the middle of the field. I cried and he caught me. He said..
“Do not cry, I am here by your side.I just wanna say, I love you for the last time. I know you have no more sense of love to me. But, I swear I’m gonna meet you again someday.”
“Someday? Are you going somewhere?” I was shocked.
“Yes, my parents are gonna pick me to Paris to have my university there. Would you be waiting for me? I’m gonna marry you after I finish my study and get job. I promise you, Jessy..”
“WHAT??? I don’t know. I just wanna admit you that I’ve been loving someone else, but I swear I’m still loving you.” God, I was full of regret. I looked at his face, he was staring on me and say nothing. I really wanted to cry, I couldn’t hold my tears though. Was this called a real love from him? I could’t say anything.
“That’s okey you love someone else now, I could understand that I seldom to care about you. I was busy with my own business. I regret and I beg for your love again to wait for me. I hope you’ll enjoy your day while I was there. Jess, I love you.” He whispered to my ear and suddenly my tears was fallen.
I ran away from him, but he was just standing there seeing me running. I couldn’t stop my tears. Where should I go? To Ken. Ken was at home. I came to his home and told him everything I felt at that time. He was a bit disappointed but he could understand me. I explained him all of my feeling when I was with him, I thought about Fred. I said good bye to him and I promise to my self for waiting for Fred who loved me and whom I loved actually.